"In this post, I’m sharing a quiet moment of comparison that caught me off guard — and the deeper reminder that showing up as fully myself is not only enough, it’s the most powerful thing I can do."

- Amber Long

Comparison Kills Connection: How to Reclaim Joy and Live Unshakable

In a recent Unshakable Life Community gathering, we asked each other three simple but powerful questions: What do you love about yourself? What would you like to improve? And what’s a fun fact about you?

The answers were honest, lighthearted, vulnerable, and powerful. We celebrated joy-bringers, people-lovers, passionate achievers, bird-whisperers, baby-snugglers, and home-renovating visionaries. And while our answers were beautiful and unique, there was a theme that quietly emerged in the discussion that followed: comparison.

The Subtle Sting of Comparison

As we shifted from sharing to having a discussion, the tone deepened. What began as fun facts turned into real talk about identity, purpose, and emotional self-awareness. And the sneakiest intruder in all of it? Comparison.

I shared a personal story during our time together. I had recently lost my aunt, and in the quiet moments at her funeral, comparison crept in. As I listened to others share glowing stories and heartfelt memories about her life, I found myself wondering: Will people say that about me? Should I be more like her? Would I be more loved, more impactful, if I were more like her? That subtle voice of comparison whispered lies: that who I am might not be enough.

But then, a deep truth settled in my heart: You are exactly who you were meant to be. I didn’t need to be someone I’m not. I needed to show up fully as myself.

Comparison Destroys What Connection Builds

Here’s the hard truth: comparison can kill connection. It disconnects us from others because it first disconnects us from ourselves. When we compare, we often label ourselves or others. And when labels replace presence, real relationship breaks down.

We don’t show up as our real selves. We perform. We shrink. We second-guess. We try to be impressive instead of being present.

I saw it firsthand. A family member skipped the funeral of a loved one because comparison had built years of resentment. Another refused to congratulate someone for a huge achievement out of jealousy. That’s the cost of unchecked comparison: disconnection, bitterness, regret.

So what do we do instead?

We listen. We reflect. We stay present to our own lives.

We remember that we get to set our own standard.

As Rebecca said during the call, "Comparison is one of the fastest ways to lose your foundation. It convinces you you're alone in the struggle when you're not. If a mindset is shrinking me, not growing me, I know it's time to shift."

A community member beautifully reminded us: Gratitude is a powerful antidote. You can't simultaneously be comparing and deeply grateful. Cultivating gratitude for who you are, where you are, and what you bring to the table helps silence the voice of comparison.

Another member chimed in offering this insight, too: when we lack clarity in our purpose, comparison has more room to sneak in. But when you’re anchored in your focus, you don’t feel the need to compare paths — because you know you’re on the one that’s yours.

You are not too much. You are not not enough. You are exactly who you are meant to be.

Your purpose is unique. Your story is needed. And your presence — real, honest, in-process — is what makes this life, and this community, unshakable.

So today, maybe check in with yourself:

• Have I been labeling myself or someone else?

• Is comparison robbing me of connection?

• What am I grateful for right now?

• What standard am I choosing to live by?

Let’s stop measuring our worth against someone else’s highlight reel. Let’s stop letting comparison kill what we’re working so hard to build.

Let’s live unshakable — and fully ourselves.