What Pain Can Teach Us About Who We Really Are
In this post, I talk about how pain can show us who we really are and how facing it can lead us to freedom and a stronger sense of ourselves. -Rebecca Misek
What Pain Can Teach Us About Who We Really Are
There’s a saying that Tony Robbins often uses: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice.”
That line stuck with me because it’s true for all of us. Life will hand us pain in different forms. It can be physical, emotional, relational, or even the subtle ache of unmet expectations. None of us escape it. But how we respond to that pain determines whether we grow stronger through it or remain stuck in suffering.
Rediscovering Who You Really Are...
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in life and coaching others is that pain often forces us to rediscover ourselves. Too many people spend years bending to others' expectations. They try to be who others want them to be instead of who they are.
I lived this myself. For years, I operated in roles that weren’t true to me, resulting in exhaustion, burnout, and a deep sense of being disconnected from my own identity. Pain has a way of exposing when we’re not being authentic. But that exposure can also be the beginning of freedom.
The truth is, the world doesn’t need a watered-down version of you. It needs the real you.
The Growth Hidden Inside Pain
Pain itself is not the enemy. In fact, some of the most significant growth happens in the middle of it. When I went through one of the hardest seasons of my life, it felt unbearable at the time. But years later, I can see how much stronger, wiser, and more grounded I became through that season.
Triggers, setbacks, and disappointments are not signs of failure. They are opportunities. If we face each trigger instead of avoiding it, it can lead to deeper healing and resilience.
A Mountain Hike and a Choice
I’ll never forget taking my stepdaughter on her first big hike up a volcanic cinder cone. Imagine walking uphill in loose gravel. It’s like climbing a sand dune that never ends. She wasn’t a hiker, and the climb pushed her to her limits. She had to stop every few minutes, sit, cry, catch her breath, and decide to keep going.
She was in pain, but here’s what inspired me. She didn’t slip into suffering. She didn’t start blaming, complaining, or quitting. Instead, she acknowledged it was hard, let herself feel the emotions, and then kept taking the next step.
That’s the difference between pain and suffering. Pain says, “This hurts.” Suffering says, “This is unbearable, I can’t go on, I’m powerless.” The first is real and unavoidable. The second is a choice.
Choosing a Different Response
We can’t avoid pain, but we can choose our response. That starts with awareness. For example, when I feel angry, I try not to point the finger and say, “You made me mad.” Instead, I pause and say, “I feel angry, and here’s why.” That slight shift opens space for a real conversation without spiraling into conflict.
It’s the same with any pain. We can let it define us or use it as fuel to become stronger, wiser, and more authentic. The choice is ours.
…and give us a chance to grow and find freedom. To help with this journey, I’ve put together a journal with prompts to explore your thoughts and feelings.
